Selfies: The Rebuttal


Quite the outburst there, Mario. Selfies seem to have you pretty agitated. I wonder that it’s just that you’re not photogenic enough for this revolutionary mode of chronicling each individual’s very important, worthwhile existence.

God—a world without selfies? Where would we be? I don’t think you fully understand the favourable social impact this phenomenon has had on our culture. Have you checked out The Chive? I rest my case.

But seriously: what’s wrong with a person needing to take a picture of themselves? Whether it’s with their freshly cooked gluten-intolerant-lactose-intolerant-ethically-sourced-pescatarian-lasagna or with their Chihuahua on a bed of Hello Kitty pillows doing the duck face—

Digression: duck face is when you purse your lips at the camera so as to look sexy/mysterious/disguise the fact that your nose is as big as it is/whatever

where’s the harm in that? People are entitled to enjoy a little self-flattering photography, especially when they put it online! What’s more dignified than sharing every little idiosyncratic detail of your life with others through photos of you doing mundane, everyday activities? It’s how people get to know one another! It’s essential.

I don’t even know how I could enjoy a moment in my life without a selfie to remind me it happened. A trip to the lake? Selfie. A trip to the movies? Selfie. Colonoscopy? Selfie. Everyone should see pictures of everything I do. I’m that important.

And I always clean my bathroom before a shitter selfie.

Bitch please.


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